Not a planned experiment

Drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth tastes like shit.

Drinking corona after brushing your teeth tastes like apple juice.

Setting the bar involves writing about bars

"RICHARD LAERMER had always thought of himself as a quintessential New Yorker. As evidence, he pointed to his birth in Jackson Heights, his long-time residency in Chelsea and his authorship of seven guidebooks about the city." - The New York Times.

"Apparently my 5 guide books about DC just aren't enough." -Me

Malcolm McDowell as Goku. 'Nuff Said

Brother: "M. Night Shyamalan is directing the Avatar movie, which is a bit like Stanley Kubrik directing a live action Dragonball Z."

Me: "That would be awesome."

Idiots

I saw transformers 2 last night.

It was a good action movie, not "a film."

Any critic who thinks the plot was impossible to follow clearly can't do their job and has less intellectual ability than the 13 year old boys who were drooling over Megan Fox's ass.

Oh, Hitler

Enjoy my latest creation.

He's the shamWow guy

Vince Shlowmi: "You're going to love my nuts."

My Girlfriend: "Bet that's what he said to the hooker."

Thanksgiving in the Neurosurgery Ward

I wonder if split-brain patients can break the wishbone by themselves?  

I bet this is what a long distance relationship with a physics grad student is like....

Student: You hang up.

Significant Other: No, you hang up.

Student: You know, it really doesn't matter at all which one of us hangs up first.  We can't really know, can we?

Attention all Nerdcore Rappers

I hereby give all nerdcore rappers the right to use the following lines.  Just thank me in the liner notes or something:

Got some strain in your fingers and a bad back?

I got a better chair and Qwerty is for bitches, I type in Dvorak!"