Academic Sex Joke #1

Mathematician's wife: I love you.

Mathematician: I love you more.

MW: I love you infinitely.

M: I love you to a second order infinity.

MW:  .......

This Actually Happened

Neuroscientist: Do you have any interest in studying sleep?  I hear there are some pretty good computational models out there.

Me:  It's not really my thing.  Although I did once try a really good model of sleep.  So good in fact that it switched my computer off.

Ridiculous Fields

Due to my research job, I could call myself a "Computational Neuorichthyologist."  What is your ridiculous title?

Psychology Experiment Idea # 2343

I have a tendency to resume interrupted conversations up to fifteen minutes after they were cut off.  I wonder what the time limit on resuming is before the other people get really confused?

Clearly, they don't have their 10,000 hours in

Does it drive you nuts that you can get a great haircut, and then the hairdresser clearly has NO idea how to properly put gel in it afterwards?

"I'm sorry teacher, but Billy has a bad case of Nostalgia"

Am I the only one that thinks the word "Nostalgia" sounds more like the name for some kind of nasal/sinus infection?

I'm sure my professor ain't santa...

It is the night before my last final exam in college, which will be one of the hardest exams I've taken here.  But it feels more like Christmas.  Needless to say this is weird.

If I Ran the Kentucky Derby...

....All horses would have math names, such as:

Linear Combination
Chain Rule
Spanning Set
Implicit Differentiation
Quadratic Formula
Euclid's Algorithm
Adjoint Matrix
Lie Algebra
Real Analysis
Polynomial Space
Nash Equilibrium
Integration by Parts

and so on.

I actually burst out laughing when I thought of this in a meeting

The first time I heard someone use the phrase "the proof is in the pudding" I imagined Sherlock Holmes reaching into a bowl of custard at a dinner party, yanking a revolver out of it and going "Watson! The proof! It's in the pudding!"