I'm sure Mr. Ballard would agree with me

When are mothers everywhere going to realize that having their kids make their beds is a bit like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?

I was actually trying to be sarcastic

In high school I had a shirt that said "Nobody knows I'm a Lesbian."

I wore an ironic t shirt before it was cool.

You hipsters can blow me.

Yes, I'm a heterosexual male.

In honor of the 40th Annaversary

Do you ever wonder if Neil Armstrong got really sick of a certain Frank Sinatra song?

Getting Old

I have yet to need a digital rectal exam, but from what my dad has told me it is a real improvement over the old analog rectal exam.

Especially if Kurt Cobain is on guitar

I don't believe in faked celebrity death conspiracy theories, but I will admit that if there is "unreleased" Michael Jackson music featuring Tupac, I will get suspicious.

How times haven't changed

Cowboy: Can light a match on any surface.

Frat boy: Can open a beer on any surface.