Hairstyles: As Explained by SCIENCE

Mohawk: Energy and mass are formed at the center of the system in a gaussian distribution. Certain compounds are required to maintain this state. H2O works for a few seconds, more powerful adhesives are required for extended periods of time.

Combover: Some energy and a lot of mass is moving from areas of high to low concentration.

Afro: A chaotic system. The laws of thermodynamics break down at this energy level.

Dreadlocks: When an afro "cools down" after a long period in a chaotic state, it eventually forms an incredibly static system. The only way to alter the state of a "dreadlocked" system is to destroy it completely. Whoever figures out why will get a free trip to Sweden.

Bedhead: This is a strange system, although it appears dynamic, occasionally static pockets emerge. H2O can return this system to a more stable state.

The wisdom of grandparents

"Who are you going to texmex on that new phone?"

The True Pain of Poetry

Isn't "SON OF A BITCH!!" kind of a mouthful to yell when you stub your toe? DAMMIT! FUCK! or SHIT! is much more quick and to the point, yet some of us spit out 5 syllables. That's a third of a haiku.

He got his MBA at KKK State College...?

I look over and see "Managing White Supremacy" on the bookshelf.  For a second I thought it might be a book on how to run your very own hate group.

AOOOGAH!!! DANNN!! DANNN!! DANNN!!

I want my house to have alarms like in movies and old TV shows, so that way when it burns down, it will do so in style.

This started as a Russian reversal, I swear...

Sex:  A drug that uses you when you use it.