If we can put a man on the moon, then why do we still......

I wonder if as Neil Armstrong was taking his first steps on the moon and uttering those famous words, if someone in mission control was like "Man....I wonder if we set the bar just a little too high?"

Drag Show

I want to see a drag queen sing "I kissed a girl" so that the audience will be really confused about her/his sexual orientation.

Sometimes I think horrible things

If Fragile X weren't a genetic disorder, it would be a really good name for a rock band. You know, an industrial goth type of band.

Thank you, don't come again!

Have you ever had someone sit down next to you and thought "This person smells like a 7-11?"

Job Hunting

If you ever meet someone who is about to graduate with a degree in Materials Science/Engineering wondering what to do after graduation, say "Plastics." Then they will be confused as to whether you are being serious or just referring to The Graduate.

Medical Barriers to enlightenment

If one needs to align the chakras in their spine whilst meditating, but has scoliosis, are they spiritually screwed from an eastern perspective?

Independence Day

Today, I want everyone to go and thank a veteran of the horrible war that ended 12 years ago today. Will Smith could never have beat the aliens without them.

Like odd socks, but more valuable...

12,000 Laptops are lost every week at airports
70% (8400) are never recovered
8400 * 52 Weeks a year = 436800 Laptops per year

It only takes 2 years and 3 months for a million laptops to go missing.

As a computer geek, this makes me sad.

If Cows had cars....

I saw a car with O L D S M O B I L E spelled out across the trunk, but the lock was between the M and the O and the same size as the font. Oldsmoobile.

The Smell of Happiness

Last night as I was making a smoothie in a blender, I realized that the smell of the kitchen growing up that I had associated with cake and other baked goods was actually just the smell of the innards of the appliances heating up. I guess the smell of happiness is actually the smell of machinery.

Abercrombie and Itch

I have a pair of boxers from Abercrombie and Fitch. It is the most uncomfortable pair I own, it makes me feel like I have crabs or something.

Theory

I want to move to theory, it seems like a wonderful place because everything seems to work there.

Odd Career Plan:

So being a military psychologist would probably be cool, because you could kill the people who are making your patients/clients upset.

I can't believe he posted that...

I find the word gumption to be hilarious because it sounds like a word for a disease involving lots of pooing.

A Challenge

I challenge all women under 25 to never use the word "amazing" to describe their friends, weekends, trips, whatever, unless they mean it. You are turning it into a cliched word and I am sick of it.

Stop.

Father's Day

Too busy with a paper to come up with my own joke for today. Have this instead, and like your father said, be grateful for it:

Senior Seminar

Paper: "Chess pieces can act in concert...."
Prof's note: "Can pieces "act"?
Me in class tomorrow: "Apparently you've never seen Harry Potter!"

Assassinating a Word

Did you know that "Assassination" spells Ass Ass I Nation? You'll
never look at it the same way again.

Look it up on Wikipedia....

Dean Windass was born on April Fools' Day, 1 April 1969 and grew up in Gipsyville, Hull. His parents, John and Doreen, divorced when he was thirteen years old.

Not a lucky kid, but he's in the premiereship now...

The Dark Side of the Toris

Doesn't "Shadow Children's Minister" sound really really creepy?