Frustration.

When doing my computer vision homework, I actually derived f = -m' * L. FML indeed.

Parental Sex Function

People like to assume that their parents have had sex on their wedding night plus the number of children in the family. It is mathematically true, as expressed by this function.

f(x) = x + 1

Academic Sex Joke #1

Mathematician's wife: I love you.

Mathematician: I love you more.

MW: I love you infinitely.

M: I love you to a second order infinity.

MW:  .......

If I Ran the Kentucky Derby...

....All horses would have math names, such as:

Linear Combination
Chain Rule
Spanning Set
Implicit Differentiation
Quadratic Formula
Euclid's Algorithm
Adjoint Matrix
Lie Algebra
Real Analysis
Polynomial Space
Nash Equilibrium
Integration by Parts

and so on.

Putting the "Complete" back in "Complete Bastards"

Whenever a mathematician or logician says "and so it follows that..." what they really mean is "this is obvious to everyone but YOU."

Thoughts on Numbers

If there are an infinite amount of numbers, and they are all to be named, this means that a "zillion" must actually be a number. Also on the list would be:

Yourmom
chimpanzeechoochoo
Porkloin
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Dumbfuck
SpongeBobSquarePants

and so on.

Merry Birfday!

My girlfriend is exactly (7 * pi) years old today. Happy birthday to her!

Another Post in the Wall

So I have 1143 posts on my facebook wall, and have had my account for nearly three years. For the sake of argument, lets assume that I am average:

1143/3 = 381 posts per year, ~1.05 posts per day.

So, at ~5000 students, this means that 1.9 million wall posts are made every year to profiles at my university alone.

Like odd socks, but more valuable...

12,000 Laptops are lost every week at airports
70% (8400) are never recovered
8400 * 52 Weeks a year = 436800 Laptops per year

It only takes 2 years and 3 months for a million laptops to go missing.

As a computer geek, this makes me sad.

If Jay-Z were a Mathematician.....

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I've got 99 problems and the odd ones are in calculus.

Great uses of Mathematics #1

My uncle said "If everyone in America has at least 3 pairs of odd socks, that must mean there are over a billion missing socks in the US alone."

Odd that the person in my family I probably have the most in common with shares no DNA with me....